I was the thin ice threatened
By the weight of your love
As my cold waters beckoned
You to keep your head above
It wasn’t a warning
But more of a plea
I didn’t want to
Take you down with me
Your colors reflected
Against my surface
And the ice melted
As my waters resurfaced
It all fell apart
As my waters intertwined
With a warm heart
I never thought I’d find
“Pretend I’m strong enough?
But it burns… it burns deep inside and it’s seeping into my soul!”
I no longer know my right from my left, as all my colors burn to ashes.
My day is connected to my night, and winter never seems to end. Even the sunny days seem so dark and dull without the presence of your aura.
I’m longing to be near you, it’s becoming a rope wrapped around my neck, suffocating me; am I sad, angry, defeated, or what? A devil invades my peace and tears my soul in my chest… I feel like I’m drowning to the point of suffocation in neverending darkness; sand dunes move from underneath my feet, swallowing me whole…
Ringing in my ears, blurriness in my eyes, and no sensation in my limbs… My body is swaying between nightclubs, drunk and intoxicated on the sidewalks of memories and the hope of running into you. I miss you…
I miss your eyes, and I miss everything about you; nostalgia is killing my days. I can’t focus on anything else but your image. I go into a slumber of dreams filled with your eyes and touches of your skin as your body envelops me in your heart. It’s the only place I want to be.
I want to cry. I need to cry! I need to scream as my tears petrify behind my eyelids in a dam of grief. But with a lump in my throat, I can tell you, that separation won’t kill me and it won’t kill us. This separation is my purgatory as I wait for the mercy to escape.
Stay with me.
I hope I do this justice…
I was still a kid back then, back when you turned my world upside down.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I can’t explain how safe I felt that first night I slept in your arms. From the day I was born and until that moment, I rarely felt this safe… but you made it my reality, not a rarity.
I still remember the butterflies in my stomach when you kissed me for the first time. I remember so many details you’d think I’m a creep, but I guess a part of me knew that our moments together weren’t something I should forget anytime soon. Part of me knew that I would fall deeply in love with you. It was the first time I kept you a secret from everyone, even the people closest to me. I didn’t want anyone crashing into my bubble of happiness.
And 3 years later, that’s still the reality. You are my bubble of happiness, and I cherish every high as much as I cherish every low because it taught me something about myself, about you, and about us. I know I can be stubborn, but I’m learning more and more every day to keep my guard down with you, even when we argue, even when I’m right, and even when I’m wrong because you are not someone who is trying to hurt me. You are simply fighting for me, and I’m sorry that I forget that sometimes.
Even after reading so many novels, I still didn’t understand the meaning of “he makes me a better person” until I spent these years with you. You’ve opened my eyes to so many things, and you’ve made me stronger and braver than I ever was. You’ve taught me how to truly love someone fully and unconditionally.
Maybe this is me giving you reassurance because I know I can get blinded sometimes by my needs and past pains that swallow me whole. I sometimes forget… I forget that you need reassurance too. I forget that you need to be loved and heard too. I can’t promise you I won’t make that mistake again because I’m only human, but I promise you that I’ll try not to.
I’m writing this with tears in my eyes… it’s overwhelming sometimes how much I love you…
Thank you for dancing with me to Taylor Swift’s song. Thank you for being the first person to buy me flowers. Thank you for giving me your shirt to sleep in. Thank you for going with me to my first concert. Thank you for being selfless when I was selfish. Thank you for being your goofy self around me. Thank you for holding my hand and keeping it warm. Thank you for being worried about me. Thank you for including me in your family. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being honest and righteous. Thank you for fighting for me. Thank you for taking care of me.
And thank you for loving me.
Nel tuo sguardo crescerò,
Mi baci piano ed io torno ad esistere…
Sometimes you feel like a million miles away… untouchable, unreachable.
Sometimes I wish that you’d close that distance and hold me close… just like that.
It’s really simple.
…
To put it in simpler terms… I’m fucking pissed!
I felt unacknowledged, and not important enough.
I said that I’m tired, and all I wanted was to end my day in your arms and escape to a new venture in our dreamland.
But instead, I waited.
I kept waiting.
I waited.
I waited some more and gave myself a distraction in the form of a mystical liquid that cleansed my nerves and peeled away their covers to make them more fragile and sensitive.
And then I was back in your radar, but I was on the outer circle, weakly beeping on the screen, but not strong enough for you to be able to close that distance as simple as it was before.
A hug wasn’t going to fix this.
Before, it would have.
Before, all I needed was just a hug.
Nothing else mattered when my being was intertwined with yours.
But now, I’m too out of reach to be intertwined with you.
I’m too far gone to be kept around.
Now, I need more.
Moonchild Poetry 